Update from Adrienne

October 2008

I broke. After 7 hours of battling against aggressive, angry boys, I lost control of my emotional stability. I had been hit, kicked and called horrible names. Every time I enforced a rule, their behavior became worse and their anger shifted from being directed at their peer, to being directed at me. The anger inside these boys pierced through their eyes and penetrated deep inside of me, even though I desperately tried to remind myself of where these boys come from; telling myself it was not their fault. The last 30 minutes of the day, their behavior escalated even more. Alone I could not cope with this environment any longer. It was too much. I went upstairs to switch places with my co-volunteer. I sat, covered my face and let the tears run down my cheeks. Two small children, accustomed to seeing me strong, confident, and assertive, stared at me with deep concern written in their expressions. "¿Por qué lloras?" [why are you crying?] asked the little boy. I breathed in deeply and swallowed hard to regain my composure in front of the perplexed, worried Pamela and Jon Eduard. I responded with "estoy cansada, no se preocupen." [I'm just tired, don't worry.] I grabbed a broom and began sweeping.

The transition that my kids have made since that day is miraculous. They have acclimated to a structured atmosphere with rules and designated times for work and play. They respond to discipline, physical violence has decreased, and now they are able to learn. They still have days when they seem to regress, but the kids they were when they first arrived in June and the kids they are now, are very different. Hooray!

Esneider beckons me to come sit with him on the bus. I put him on my lap and wait for the other kids to start filing into the seats. Kati, his 2 year old little sister, scoots over on her seat and motions for me to come sit beside her. I move over, now with Esneider on my lap and Kati under my arm. Their older brother, Maicol, is sitting directly in front of us. My leg is beside the seat where he is sitting and he leans against it, ready for the long bus ride back to the south. They are three of the kids that returned to the Other Way after Colombianita was destroyed. Sitting on the bus with the three of them around me was a beautiful, holy moment. It reminded me of my purpose. These little people are why I am here in Bogotá. There was a great deal of peace in that moment. Peace in purpose. I believe that God provides this kind of peace to affirm that you are in the right place doing the right thing. It's an overwhelming sense of perfection in God's purpose for you. These moments are my fuel for days when I feel helpless, days like I described above.

This emphasizes the importance of placing God above all else. Love for God is the key to ultimate love for humanity. I am learning that people, unfortunately, cannot be a continuous motivating factor. They will eventually disappoint you. They will hurt you, intentional or otherwise. This is something of which I personally struggle because I want to believe that all people have some degree of inherent goodness. However, no matter how humanistic one might be, putting your hope and trust in people is not sufficient. You will burn out. You must have divine purpose in what you do. You must believe that God is love; this will reign over everything else and allow you to love and serve without condition.

I hope this letter finds you all very well. Please know how very much I appreciate everyone of you. Your prayers and support mean a great deal; without them, I could not be here. Thank you for continuing to read my little updates. I hope they paint at least a small picture of what things are like here. Y'all are amazing! THANK YOU!


With love,
Adrienne